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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Generation Z, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a widespread assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a extensive guide to the phrases this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to going for someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A date where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes couples who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your decision to date a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {